Freedom Dies

In a vote tainted by political bribery, back-room deals, and a Botox injected witch, freedom in the United States died tonight.

Summoned to success by President Barack Obama, the Democratic-controlled Congress approved historic legislation Sunday night extending health care to tens of millions of uninsured Americans and cracking down on insurance company abuses, a climactic chapter in the century-long quest for near universal coverage.

Widely viewed as dead two months ago, the Senate-passed bill cleared the House on a 219-212 vote. Republicans were unanimous in opposition, joined by 34 dissident Democrats.

If this measure is not overturned in the courts, or by repeal, you will be forced to pay for abortions. In a second vote tonight, Democrats overwhelmingly voted for federally funded abortions. If this measure is not overturned in the courts, or by repeal, you (as an American citizen) will be forced to purchase health care insurance, in a system that will be unable to pay for many procedures within a decade.

Goodbye Freedom. Rest In Peace.